I heard that Harper made some films during college to pay bills that he's not particularly proud of today.

John, Toronto

I heard that Harper wishes he were a hockey player. DUDE, we all wish you were a hockey player.

mh

I heard that Harper is actually the nickname he earned back in his seal poaching days. He would play the harp after harpooning a load of baby seals. Stephen "Harper" McGilligancuddy is his real name.

Fredo, Toronto

I heard that Harper is an agent provocateur planted by the Radical Socialists... No way such a right-winger could be elected in Canada!

Jeremy, Back in Toronto

I heard that Harper likes his bacon American and his beaver Japanese.

Shinji, Fukuoka, Japan

I heard that Harper was secretly assassinated by Chuck Norris, who proceeded to rip off Harper's skin and disguise himself as Harper, then get himself elected Prime Minister, for the sole purpose of inviting Mr. T to lunch so he (Chuck) can eat his (Mr. T's) balls.

Jeremy, State of Confusion

I heard that Harper shoved a child aside who was trying to touch him with finger-paint covered hands... Oh wait, that DID happen.

Jeremy, Toronto

I heard that harper goes partying in Maui with Gordon Campbell but is such a girl after a Bacardi Breezer he lets Campbell drive.

Anonymous

I heard that Harper is a bloody limie.

Hugh, London, England

I heard that Harper cooks his sushi. Ha-ha-ha-ha ^o^

Tetsu, Tokyo, Japan

I heard that Harper's role model is General Custer. He wants to rid Canada of "Ingines" on horseback with a rifle.

Trevor, Stixville, Colorado

I heard that Harper volunteers at the animal hospital - he puts puppies to sleep.

Jonas, Stixville, Tennessee

I heard that Harper eats Kellogg's special K with slices of Kiwi instead of strawberry so he can have KKK for breakfast.

Norton, Stixville, North Dakota

I heard that Harper once carried a woman against her will for near one mile to show her his house. She his wife now.

Borad, Altmati, KZ

I heard that Harper is better than k.l. at table hockey, eh.

Skippy, Sticksville, Ontario


(Who isn't better than k.l. at table hockey?)

I heard that Harper likes donuts, eh. But he can't have any, eh, because they make him fat, eh.

Slacks, Sticksville, Ontario

I heard that Harper is the extension of the concept 'equinumerous with the empty set.'

Georgy Boy, Sticksville, Ontario

I heard that Harper let slip a silent but violent at the movie theatre.

Alistair, Staines

I heard that Harper gonna raise taxes for Americans too.

Joe, Hicksville, New York

I heard that Harper can talk to dogs and run like 'em too. I has seen it myself. He went and got my Lassie pregnant.

Samson, Hicksville, Missouri

I heard that Harper is crazy, eh. He say he want to lower taxes like we have in da states, eh. But dyou know what I tink? I tink he crazy, eh.

Pepe, Hicksville, New Mexico

I heard that Harper don't need to fertilize his tomatoes. He just walks in the field every morning.

Moe, Hicksville, Texas

I heard that Harper cuts his nails with a pencil sharpener.

Clippers, Hicksville, Alabama

I heard that Harper went to the carnival and then the carnival left town the next day.

Timothy, Hicksville, Carolina

I heard that Harper was the one who lost the needle in the haystack.

Smithey, Hicksville, Carolina

I heard that Harper once tried to rope a pig but the rope came coming back and hitting him.


Stanley, Hicksville, Carolina

I heard that Harper is from the North, where them fellas marry their cousins.


Cletus, Hicksville, Carolina

I heard that Harper tried to get cheese by milking a mouse.


Elroy, Hicksville, Carolina

I heard that Harper's mom is so fat, her tractor needs a tractor to pull it.


John, Hicksville, Carolina

I heard that Harper once tried to tip over a cow, but then he realized that he didn't have any change.


Pete, Hicksville, Carolina