I heard that Harper's favourite summer treat is popsicles made solely with the tears of families on welfare.

John, Toronto

I heard that Harper likes children... especially with maple syrup.

Mike Hamada, Los Angeles

I heard that Harper was the bastard son of Satan. Satan then attempted, unsuccessfully mind you, to disown the demon child on account of it being too evil. Satan was unavailable for comment, undoubtedly because his pride forbides him from admitting that he has any connections to Harper.

Lisa, Toronto

I heard that Harper has been sworn in. (The scariest yet!)

Leonard, Toronto


(Don't worry... he won't last long. His own party hates him right now. Bahaha.)

I heard that Harper is trying to steal my reputation on American blog site. I cut you, Harper! Ai-ya-ya-ya-ya!!

Osama Bin Laden, Somewhere in Europe

I heard that Harper takes these big black pills everyday. Side effects include frowning, uncontrollable flatulence, uncontrollable nose picking, and spontaneous bouts of profanity.

Anonymous, Toronto

I heard that Stephen Harper is really Osama Bin Ladin is an elaborate disguise. He planned out this entire campaign to get closer to George W. Bush in order to personally cut off his head while CNN is running a live feed.

Dustin, Vancouver

(We can only hope...)

I heard that Harper believes he can fly, and in addition that he can touch the sky. He thinks about it every night and day; spreads his wings and flies away ... He also believes he can soar, and while he does this he goes through an open door. Now, we all know there's something wrong in his head, but what's a door doing in the air?

James I, Toronto

I heard that Harper has a heart murmur. [It's actually an excuse, though -- if he can't understand what his heart is saying, how can he follow it? One very successful tip on becoming a cyborg. This tip and many more in Harper's forthcoming autobiography, _Bleep Bleep Boop Deep Dmmm_ (English title: _I Really Am A Robot_).]

James I, Toronto

I heard that Harper inhales AND swallows.

Marion, Southern California

I heard that Harper likes to do dance aerobics, with accompanying head band, tights, and 80's music.

Anonymous, Toronto

I heard that Harper was the inspiration for Molly Shannon's "Mary Catherine Gallagher" character on "Saturday Night Live". SUPA-STAH!

Marion, Southern California

I heard that Harper has an iPod and likes olde-tyme watches ... you know, the ones with cogs and the like. He calls them propaganda machines.

James, Toronto

I heard that Harper won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

Ryan, US of A


(Our first American reader!! Welcome!!)

I heard that Harper threatened to kill my family if I wouldn't tell him the recipe of my spaghetti sauce (the best in Canada).

Max, Montreal

I heard that Harper is going to have a toga party on the 6th and we're all invited.

Jimbot (rhymes with 'cumquat' but smells a little nicer), Toronto

I heard that Harper is Hitler's nephew.

Anonymous

I heard that Harper runs a mile every day. Not a kilometre, a MILE. If he did run 0.625 miles a day, though, he'd run a kilometer. Either way, he'd still do it like a girl -- an American girl!!

James (pronounced "pee-niss"), Toronto


(James, we just have to tell you that this is by far our favourite submission so far.)

I heard that Harper used to laugh constantly to the point where it began to be a problem. That's when the doctors told him "If you laugh one more time, you will die."

Max, Montreal

I heard that Harper wears a paper bag over his head while dancing to Loverboy in order to relieve stress.

Jill, Toronto

I heard that Harper....... sorry, I'm still reeling from the post that said Harper was handsome and has good morals.

Mary, As far away from Harper as possible

I heard that Harper has brunch with satanic cultists. Harper usually like to bring the crumpets.

Rene, Toronto

I heard that Harper had a conversation with an 8 year old. That 8 year old is now in therapy.

Todd, Toronto

I heard that Harper has a twitchy right arm. It just shoots out of nowhere. Combined with his German-language Tourette's Syndrome, it is somewhat disconcerting.

Nathaniel, Toronto